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Boomer
& Senior Jokes
A
very elderly gentleman, (86 going on 87) very well dressed,
hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel
smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well
looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.
Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties).
The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders
a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell
me, do I come here often?"
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An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a
number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was
able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed
the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back
in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your
hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that
you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh,
I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen
to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
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Two
elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting
on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and
says... "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full
of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you
feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a new-born baby."
"Really!? Like a new-born baby!?" "Yep. No
hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
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An
elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and
after eating, the wives left the table and went into the
kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last
night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really
great. I would recommend it very highly." The other
man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What
is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... the one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's the one,"
replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and
yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we
went
to last night?"
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Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being
discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I
found one elderly gentleman--already dressed and sitting
on the bed with a suitcase at his feet--who insisted he
didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat
about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him
to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife
was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's
still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital
gown."
BOOMERS STUFF
BABY
BOOMER QUALIFYING EXAM
(Answers are below.)
CAN
YOU.............
QUESTION #1:
Name the Beatles - both the first and last name of each,
of course. Consider this a warm-up. [If you can't answer
this one without thinking, forget the test and move on to
something else. We have nothing further to discuss.]
______________________________ ______________________________
______________________________ ______________________________
QUESTION
#2:
Finish the line: "Lions and tigers and bears, ______
_______!"
Admittedly, this came along before we boomers were born.
But we remember it from both the movies and the boob tube.
QUESTION
#3:
"Hey kids, what time is it?" ______ _________
________ ________.
QUESTION
#4:
What do M&M's do? _____ ___ ______ ________, _____ ___
____ _______.
QUESTION
#5:
What helps build strong bodies 12 ways? _________.
QUESTION
#6:
Long before he was Mohammed Ali, before he was "The
Greatest", we knew him as _________ _________.
QUESTION
#7:
"You'll wonder where the yellow went, _____ ____ ______
_____ ______ _____ ___________."
QUESTION
#8:
Those post-baby boomers, or baby boomer wannabes, know Bob
Denver as the Skipper's "lil' buddy." But true
boomers know that Bob Denver is actually Dobie's closest
friend,
_____________ __ _____________.
QUESTION
#9:
M-I-C: See ya' real soon; K-E-Y: _____? _________ ___ ______
_______."
QUESTION
#10:
Definition: A "streaker" is someone who might
go running through the lobby of the girls' dormitory ______________.
QUESTION
#11:
"Brylcream: ___ ________ _______ _______ ______ _______."
QUESTION
#12:
Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone ________ ____.
QUESTION
#13:
From the early days of our music, real rock 'n roll, finish
this line: "I wonder, wonder, wonder...wonder who;
_______ _______ ____ _______ ___ _______."
QUESTION
#14:
And while we're remembering rock n' roll, try this one:
"War...uh-huh, huh...yea; what is it good for? ___________
____________."
QUESTION
#15:
This is from a kinder and gentler protest song, but the
question is just as profound: Where have all the flowers
gone? Perhaps you could use a little help here: "Where
have all the flowers gone, long time passing? Where have
all the flowers gone? ____ ______ _____ _______ _____ ____."
QUESTION
#16:
Meanwhile, back home in Metropolis, Superman fights a never-ending
battle for truth, justice, and ____ _______________ _______.
QUESTION
#17:
He came out of the University of Alabama, and became one
of the best quarterbacks in the history of the NFL and later
went on to appear in a television commercial wearing women's
stockings. He is Broadway's ______ _____________.
QUESTION
#18:
"I'm Popeye the sailor man; I'm Popeye the sailor man.
I'm strong to the finish, ______ __ _____ ___ _______. I'm
Popeye the sailor man."
QUESTION
#19:
Your children probably recall that Peter Pan was recently
played by Robin Williams, but we will always remember when
Peter was played by ___________ ____________.
QUESTION
#20:
In the movie, The Graduate, young Benjamin, played by Dustin
Hoffman was counseled about his future, and told to consider
one thing: _______________.
QUESTION
#21:
In another movie from the late sixties, Luke (Paul Newman),
a ne'er do well who was sent to a prison camp for cutting
off the heads of parking meters with a pipe cutter. When
he was captured after an unsuccessful attempt to escape,
the camp commander (Strother Martin) used this experience
as a lesson for the other prisoners, and explained:
"What we have here, ____ ___ ___________ _____ _________________."
QUESTION
#22:
In 1962, a dejected politician chastised the press after
losing a race for governor while announcing his retirement
from politics. "Just think, you won't have ________
____________ to kick around any more."
QUESTION
#23:
"Every morning, at the mine, you could see him arrive;
He stood six foot, six, weighted 245. Kinda' broad at the
shoulder, and narrow at the hip. And everybody knew you
didn't give no lip, ___ ____ _______."
QUESTION
#24:
"I found my thrill, _____ ____________ __________________."
You may remember Riche Cunningham singing this. But if you
are a true boomer, you know it was Fats Domino who made
this line famous.
QUESTION
#25:
"Good night, Mrs. Calabash, ___________ ____ ____."
This originated long before even the first of us boomers
was born. But in order to be a true baby boomer, you have
to have some breadth.
QUESTION
#26:
"Good night Chet. - Good night, David." "___
____ ______ __ ___ ____."
QUESTION
#27.
"Liar, Liar, ______ ___ _____."
QUESTION
#28.
"When it's least expected, you're elected; you're the
star today! Smile! _______ ___ _______ _______."
QUESTION
#29.
From our parents' day, as I recall, it was Pogo, the comic
strip character, who said, "We have met the enemy,
and ____ ____ _____."
QUESTION
#30.
Who put the bop in the bop she-bop she-bop?
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Answers:
1
- John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, Ringo Starr
2 - "oh my"
3 - "It's Howdy Doody Time"
4 - melt in your mouth, not in your hand
5 - Wonderbread
6 - Cassius Clay
7 - "when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent"
8 - Maynard G. Krebs
9 - "Why? Because we like you."
10 - naked
11 - "a little dab will do you."
12 - "over thirty"
13 - "who wrote the book of love."
14 - "absolutely nothing" (Seinfeld fans probably
got this one.)
15 - Girls have picked them every one
16 - The American Way
17 - Joe Nameth
18 - "'cause I eats me spinach"
19 - Sandy Duncan
20 - plastics
21 - "is a failure to communicate"
22 - "Dick Nixon"
23 - "to Big John"
24 - "on Blueberry Hill"
25 - "wherever you are"
26 - "And good night for NBC News".
27 - "Pants on Fire."
28 - "You're on Candid Camera."
29 - "he is us."
30 - I don't know either, but he 'made my baby fall in love
with me.'
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